When the current series "How to Get Through What You Are Going Through" was first announced at church over a month ago, I clearly remember thinking that it all sounded good for someone else and that I hoped the message touched many hearts. I had no idea that the series was going to be directed at me.
You see, at the time the series was announced - I was good. Really good. I was engaged to be married to the man I though God placed in my life as an answer to my prayers. I was just sure this was “the one.” He looked and walked and talked and smelled just like the man I had been praying for. I just knew he was my future husband the first moment I laid my eyes on him. Right before this new series began, he broke the engagement and I was heartbroken, confused, mad, sad, angry, struggling, and not at peace anymore.
This past weeks' service was titled "Surrender: How to Experience Peace" and it really hit home with me like I never saw coming! I thought I was coping well, but I have not really experienced peace with my broken engagement yet. Peace may come today, and it may not come for months, or years, but I do know that God is working on me and bringing me closer to peace every day. I have no doubt that I will get through what I am going through and am growing closer to God in this process. I have questions that there are no answers to and desires (being married) that are not going to be. In the accompanying Bible study yesterday, the speaker's words were quoted: “I need to bury that desire. I will trust that what you have is better than what I have planned.” These words were like honey (Proverbs 16:24)!
Today, I took special care of myself which is something that I tend to let slip when I am feeling blue. I took my time with my hair and makeup, put on my new skinny jeans, and wore a purple sweater with a cowl neck that always gets me compliments. (It’s a weird color with my blonde hair, but somehow it works for me.) I went to my Bible study this afternoon and two of the ladies commented on my hair and how good I looked in the sweater. I told them that this Saturday was supposed to be my wedding day and I was feeling sad so decided to get myself all duded-up and was going to “fake it till I make it.” I chose to look my best today whether I felt like my best or not.
I have been productive these past several weeks and have been working out a lot and eating well to feel as good physically as I can. I am having a hard time sleeping, but that will come in time. I have been loving like crazy lately: serving at Vision Kitchen, loving-up extra on my kids, sending out my Fabulous Conference postcards to my girlfriends, and things like that expressing my love.
So today, I open the accompanying Bible study and was so sweetly reminded, “But remember, it’s not the end of the story.” WOW!!!! How true that is! My hope comes from The Prince of Peace who will guide me to my next destination. I will not let fear outweigh my hope for a new path. This path (marriage) was not meant to be, but I trust that wherever God is taking me is greater than any place I could possibly imagine!
I have a beautiful purple dress with a cowl neck hanging in my closet that will not be worn this Saturday. I searched high and low to find this dress because I knew, like my sweater, it would make me look my best on my special day. That dress may never be worn, or a wedding dress of any sort for me, and that is something that I have accepted. I am clothed in the Righteousness of Christ, and for that alone – I am blessed!May the love of Jesus touch each of your lives - and bring you peace!