Saturday, March 28, 2015

A New Season (Part 1 - because seasons change)

These past seven months have been BIG for me.

Seven short months ago I dropped my kids off at school for their first day of 8th and 9th grade.  That morning, and those uncontrollable tears, was a turning point for me.  I realized at that moment that things were about to change - an old season was ending and new season was approaching.      

“For everything there is a season, and at time for every activity under heaven.” 
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

The circle of life is very peculiar and beautiful at the same time.

I spent my 20s single and carefree and (mostly) living in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I never imagined that I would ever get married or be a mom, but I was content with that.  As life goes, I fell in love with a man from home  - so moved back to Ohio at age 29, got married at age 30, had my first child at age 31, and had my second child at age 32. My role of a wife ended in 2006 which made my role as a mom intensify because, as single moms will often tell you, that’s all I had to focus on.  After my divorce, and incarcerating myself in our home for way too long, I realized that my life needed balance and that I needed things in my life outside of my children, so I went back to graduate school, developed new friendships as a “single again” woman, dated (ugh!), and developed new interests (running, riding my bike, tinkering around the house, discovering new places, etc.).  I learned to do “me things” as time and money would allow – not a lot, but enough to find balance outside of my children.  Life has been very good and I have managed this ebb and flow of kids/no kids with our shared parenting schedule over the last nine years very well. 

Then seven months ago on the first day of school - it hit me.  I never expected it. I never saw this coming.

I am finishing an old season and will start a new season.

(Here come the tears again.)

This is very hard for me.

My son will be leaving in about 3 years and my daughter in about 4 years.

I’m going to be alone again like I was in California. Single and carefree. 

What in the world am I going to do? It’s exciting and scary all at the same time – and sad in many ways because I’m alone.

Single moms – how do we do this?  We have no shoulder to cry on.  The house will be too quiet.

Some days I’m excited about my new season, and some days I cannot stop crying about it.

I have this really cool virtual career where all I need is my phone and internet service to work, so I can live anywhere and keep this job.  I can sell my house and move anywhere I want to live. I can do anything I want to do - whenever I want to do it.

I tell my kids that I’m going to keep working, but sell the house and buy a RV and live in their driveways.  I’ll be the hippie mom who rolls out of the RV every so often squinting in the daylight, then I’ll go in their houses and eat all of their food and go back in my RV.  (If they have wine, I’ll drink that too!)  

It’s OK. The Bible tells me so…

“And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor,
for these are gifts from God.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:13

My new season is coming sooner than I expected.  Ready or not – here it comes!

I am sure that God has something very cool planned for my new season and I know with all of my heart that it will be fantastic, but for now – I’m going to enjoy THIS season while it lasts because it’s awesome! One day at a time...

Can we just freeze time?

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