The beginning of 2006 was rough and it was looking like my marriage was not going to make it. At that time, I was a Loan Office at a bank so was “in the know” on bargain homes in the area and found a fixer upper that I could easily afford to buy for me and my kiddos. The house was in foreclosure, so I contacted the local Chief of Police to accompany me while I broke into the unoccupied house. Luckily, the house was unlocked so no B&E went down. (In small towns we do this sort of stuff.)
From the outside, the house looked OK, but as we stepped inside – it was another story. The house was completely gutted down to the studs and there were pieces of plywood laying on the floor joists that we walked on. There was no indication of which room was supposed to be the kitchen – that’s how bad it was.
I imagined the possibilities (because I watch HGTV, of course), but in my heart knew that this house was not for me. The house needed repairs far beyond my capabilities.
For the next several months my wasband and I worked on our marriage, but sadly by summer our marriage was over. My friend was a Realtor and told me about this cute little house that just went up for sale that would be perfect for me to buy which turned out to be that same house! She explained that the house underwent a complete renovation on the inside over the past several months. When I stepped inside, I immediately knew that that was the house for us! I took about five steps to a makeshift desk and signed the purchase agreement right then and there. I didn’t even walk through the house first. I just knew!
Isn’t this how we are as people too?
Sometimes we look OK on the outside, but our inside needs some work that we are not capable of fixing ourselves. We try to fix our worn-down and broken selves with our tiny human power – but it still needs repair.
This is way more than a fixer upper kind of repair – this is a job for Jesus if you ask me!
In my nine years of being single, I have let people into my life when I should not have - because I was a mess on the inside and needed some healing. As a result I hurt them, and I’m not very proud of that. And likewise, I’ve been in men’s lives when they had some stuff going on inside of them that needed some healing – and I’ve been hurt as a result. We look OK on the outside, but are not in the best shape on the inside. We will never be perfect because we are humans, but there are better and worse times to be in relationships.
I’m a fixer upper. Me. Jen. I might look OK on the outside, but I need a little extra work on my inside right now that only Jesus can fix. I need to get my house in order. I need to stay focused on God and HIS will for me – not MY will – HIS will. I need to slow down and focus on God’s sovereignty. I cannot ramrod my life into what I want it to be when I want it to happen.
So just like my house story - the first time inside was not the best experience, but after some repair – the second time was SOLD ON THE SPOT – maybe that’s where love will find me!?! I'm totally up for that! It's all about allowing God to repair the broken parts and patiently waiting for Him to do his work and the right (good-looking Christian) man will enter (or like my house, RE-enter) my life. Second chances are possible! That's my prayer.
(I don’t even know if all of that made sense, but it did to me! Feedback is much appreciated.)