Never Make a Decision When You’re at the Bottom of a Hill

I went running a few weeks ago with a friend and I was struggling.  I mean REALLY struggling.  She is a very good runner and I am a very inconsistent therefore pitiful runner at best.  We were nearing 1.75 miles and I was losing steam quickly especially as I looked ahead to a small hill that was approaching.  I wanted to stop, but she said firmly,

“Never make a decision when you’re at the bottom of a hill.”

Now, we’re not talking about running any more.  We’re talking about LIFE.

How many times have we been in a bad place at the bottom of a hill and tried to make a decision only to find it was a bad one made out of desperation?  When I am at a low spot for whatever reason - I make terrible decisions.  If I only had a little patience.. and persevered… and got over the hill… which requires patience… and I lack patience… and I need to be patient and stay the course… which requires patience…

Get my drift?

If we stay the course when a hill approaches, and work a little harder, before we know it we’re over the hill!  It’s cool to look back at our hills when we’re on the other side and high-five ourselves for making it!

You CAN’T QUIT when it gets tough – that’s when you KEEP GOING!! Hills make us stronger!

Every time I come to that spot on the road at the bottom of the hill, I think about my friend and I smile.  

Bring on the HILLS!!

P.S. If you like country music, this is a GREAT song! "Mountains" by Lonestar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoqGUVOXmkU

Back Home With Myself

I recently met someone originally from Ohio who left home and spent a great deal of time on the West Coast like I did.  We reminisced about California and some of the places where we visited and it really made me reflect on my life then… and now.

I got on an airplane for the first time in my life in 1990 when I was 22 years old and moved to Boston to be a nanny for a wonderful family.  About 8 months after I moved in with them, they were transferred to the San Francisco Bay Area so I went with them.  I stayed with them and took care of their beautiful girls for a few years and then moved across the Bay to Oakland where I had a cute little 1920s studio apartment in a trendy part of the city.  I worked at a printing company in a bad part of Oakland and went to night school to finish my degree. (My BSBA degree is from California State University.)

I traveled all over California and the western states:  Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, Santa Barbara, San Diego, Seattle, British Columbia, Santa Cruz, etc.  I used to take BART (a train) to downtown San Francisco (across from Union Square between Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus) to get my hair cut every other month.  I knew the back roads to the Napa Valley and Sonoma Valley.  I looked at palm trees and the Bay Bridge every day on my way to work.  I didn’t own an ice scraper or a winter coat. I rode my bike all year. I had a great life!

But I missed home.

I missed my friends.

I missed my family.

I missed where everything was familiar.

I missed me.

I’ve been back home in Ohio for 19 years and could not be happier with my life!  God has blessed me with two beautiful children, the most loving family a girl could ever ask for, friends that are absolutely incredible, and peace. 

I needed that time and those miles of separation to find that what is most important to me is really right where I started.  Home sweet home.

I’m back home with myself – and it feels fantastic!

My new groove!

In order to reduce stress, sleep better, feel better, and improve my overall fitness - I started a new groove - weight lifting!  It’s very fun and something I never thought I would embrace, but it's really cool and I'm digging it!

Like anything else in life:  If it’s important you make the time.  If it’s not you make an excuse.  I’ve decided to make it important.

Here are some personal observations about weight lifting.  Please feel free to share your observations; I love feedback! 

What weight lifting is teaching me:

• I’m stronger than I thought I was, but I want to get a LOT stronger!
• When I hurt it’s because I did it really really right or really really wrong.
• I feel better when I make my health a priority.  It’s like that oxygen mask speech every time you get on an airplane.
• Slow progress is still progress.
• It's fun to cuss out my coach in my head. It makes me feel bad. Breaking Bad.
• Protein powder scoopers are always at the WAY bottom of the container.
• Muscles give me confidence.
• When I eat like crap – I feel like crap – and I lift like crap.
• It’s addictive! I want to learn more and try new things constantly!
• Sometimes I pretend like I am The Incredible Hulk when I lift. Or Batman.
• People who do not wipe down the equipment after they use it are disgusting.
•  I see random objects and think to myself, “I could lift that.”
• Leg day can BITE ME.
• I’ll have good days and I’ll have bad days.  That’s just the way it goes.
• When I’m focused I’m not very social and I think my face looks like a meanie weenie.
• I like to flex!
• It’s important to lift with correct form and in the correct order to reduce injuries and maximize results.
• 4:30am is pretty darn early to head out to the gym and nobody in my village is moving at that time.
• It’s important to plan ahead (pack gym bag the night before and have workout planned out).
• The human body is an amazing machine!
• It's a great way to spend quality time with my 15 year old son (at the gym).
• I am obsessed with following ladies who lift on Instagram and looking at their food pics.
• It’s best to wear running shorts with the attached panties to the gym because… well, just because of the benches and mirrors and weird positions.
• I have a long way to go and a lot to learn!

But it has good bones…

I recently had a conversation with someone about a house that had been on the market for a very long time.  The house had a few offers, but every offer fell through.  It was a great house in a great neighborhood and priced below the market because it needed some minor repair work.  There was definitely potential in the house with a little TLC.  My response after hearing about this great house was simply, “If it’s that good of a deal - don’t you think someone would have swooped it up sooner?  There has to be something majorly wrong or it would not be on the market for this long.”

GULP.

I’m that house!  

I’m really a woman with a heart and soul and not just a piece of real estate, but my business head understands life better through these types of analogies so please stay with me here while I explain.

Here are the three major reasons why homes don’t sell: price, condition, and location

Price – Is the house priced comparably to others like it in the market?

I’ve been on the market for nine years.  I’ve actually already lowered the price. When I was first single I was overly picky - one tiny thing and I was turned off.  I REALLY REALLY cut my price a few times and that was not wise at all.  I even had a closing date set two years ago and am very thankful that that deal fell through.  I’m worth more than that and thankfully I realized it sooner rather than later.

Condition – Is the house messy? Does it have strange smells? Does it have good bones?

Like that house, I think I show fairly well with a quick drive-by. I look comparable to the neighborhood – nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, there’s a little snow on the roof and some cellulite in the basement, but for an older home I am holding up OK.  I don’t notice any strange smells; the house gets a good cleaning daily and is very conscious of the maintenance required to keep it running properly (like exercise and kale salads). As for the snow on the roof - no worries there because that maintenance is taken VERY seriously.  That snow gets brushed off every six weeks come rain or shine.  The cellulite in the basement makes the basement feel warmer and a little more comfy and it usually comes with an older home especially one that has had a few children.  For reals.

Now go inside.  Do you see the cracks around the windows?  They are actually wrinkles from 47 years of laughing and smiling and crying.  Those windows have seen a lot of beauty and pain in life, and are still wide open to share life with a loving family.  Those widows are determined to see more sunshine than rain, and will always see the bright side and the rainbow after any storm.

And then there’s my favorite part of any house – the kitchen!  The kitchen is called the heart of the home and this kitchen is big and open and full of love!  This kitchen has been used a lot (sometimes good and sometimes bad).  Some people don’t value a great kitchen, but some do.  This home needs someone who looks first at the kitchen and what they can make WITH the kitchen - NOT (at first) with what the kitchen can do for them.  (And on a side note – good things can happen when you’re BOTH cooking together in the kitchen! Wink wink)

Location – This variable cannot change which makes price and condition critical.  Location CAN, however, drive the value up or down.

My location is not going to change for at least 3.5 more years, or more, depending on what my kids do and where they settle.  Maybe then I’ll move to Nashville and find me a “pick-up-truck-country-music-man-with-a-beard-and-soft-jeans-who-smells-amazing-and-loves-Jesus” – but this is Ohio which is thankfully not too terribly far from Nashville so I’m thinking there might still be a hidden cowboy here somewhere.  I’ve got my peepers open!

So, the house will remain on the market another long cold winter and maybe, just maybe, next spring when the market comes back, a strong (and handsome) buyer will come along.  Here’s the cool part – a LOT of work is happening on the inside of this house right now and this house doesn’t mind sitting empty while the exciting changes are happening!  

Let’s face it, this isn’t an 18 year old home, but some people prefer the charm of older homes!

I know it seems like all of the good houses are snatched up right away…  but here sits this house.  Is it really too good to be true, or is it sitting on the market for a very good reason?  Good question.         

Fixer Upper

The beginning of 2006 was rough and it was looking like my marriage was not going to make it.  At that time, I was a Loan Office at a bank so was “in the know” on bargain homes in the area and found a fixer upper that I could easily afford to buy for me and my kiddos.  The house was in foreclosure, so I contacted the local Chief of Police to accompany me while I broke into the unoccupied house.  Luckily, the house was unlocked so no B&E went down. (In small towns we do this sort of stuff.)

From the outside, the house looked OK, but as we stepped inside – it was another story.  The house was completely gutted down to the studs and there were pieces of plywood laying on the floor joists that we walked on.  There was no indication of which room was supposed to be the kitchen – that’s how bad it was.

I imagined the possibilities (because I watch HGTV, of course), but in my heart knew that this house was not for me.  The house needed repairs far beyond my capabilities.

For the next several months my wasband and I worked on our marriage, but sadly by summer our marriage was over.  My friend was a Realtor and told me about this cute little house that just went up for sale that would be perfect for me to buy which turned out to be that same house! She explained that the house underwent a complete renovation on the inside over the past several months.  When I stepped inside, I immediately knew that that was the house for us!  I took about five steps to a makeshift desk and signed the purchase agreement right then and there.  I didn’t even walk through the house first. I just knew!

Isn’t this how we are as people too?

Sometimes we look OK on the outside, but our inside needs some work that we are not capable of fixing ourselves.  We try to fix our worn-down and broken selves with our tiny human power – but it still needs repair.

This is way more than a fixer upper kind of repair – this is a job for Jesus if you ask me!

In my nine years of being single, I have let people into my life when I should not have - because I was a mess on the inside and needed some healing.  As a result I hurt them, and I’m not very proud of that.  And likewise, I’ve been in men’s lives when they had some stuff going on inside of them that needed some healing – and I’ve been hurt as a result.  We look OK on the outside, but are not in the best shape on the inside.  We will never be perfect because we are humans, but there are better and worse times to be in relationships. 

I’m a fixer upper.  Me.  Jen.  I might look OK on the outside, but I need a little extra work on my inside right now that only Jesus can fix.  I need to get my house in order.  I need to stay focused on God and HIS will for me – not MY will – HIS will.  I need to slow down and focus on God’s sovereignty.  I cannot ramrod my life into what I want it to be when I want it to happen.

So just like my house story - the first time inside was not the best experience, but after some repair – the second time was SOLD ON THE SPOT – maybe that’s where love will find me!?!  I'm totally up for that! It's all about allowing God to repair the broken parts and patiently waiting for Him to do his work and the right (good-looking Christian) man will enter (or like my house, RE-enter) my life. Second chances are possible!  That's my prayer.

(I don’t even know if all of that made sense, but it did to me!  Feedback is much appreciated.)   

Be in the Moment

A few days ago, my brother's friend posted this on Facebook and I cannot get it off of my brain:

“Sometimes you have to take life as it comes… there is not always a perfect time for things… don’t let an opportunity pass you by… it may only come once in a lifetime!”

For whatever reason, that simple post really made an impression on me.

We say that we want simple lives, and then we go and make them so complicated by over-thinking, over-doing, and over-scheduling.  We spend so much time doing things that really don’t matter – then we lose the moment – and we can never get those moments back.

This past weekend I was busy in the kitchen doing something (that really didn’t matter) while my beautiful 13-year old daughter sat on a stool in the kitchen eating a popsicle and telling me all about her new guinea pig (Charles) that her dad bought for her 4-H project. Along with her new guinea pig, she also got braces last week so she was even more adorable as she sat just chatting away and eating her popsicle... while she stared at the back of my head. Gulp.  Why oh why didn’t I stop whatever I was doing (that really didn’t matter) and grab my own popsicle and pull up a stool beside her and listen to her tell me all about Charles?? 

Oh… to have that moment back. 

It’s not just THAT moment.  I have LOTS of those moments and they all add up to opportunities quickly passing me by that will only come once in a lifetime.  Nothing that I was doing was as important at that time listening to my daughter. Nothing.    

I had to pick my kids up at their dad’s house this morning to take them to school and I was thinking about this during my drive over there.  By the time I got to my wasband’s house, I was crying.  I mean REALLY crying!  My 15-year old son met me at the door and immediately got the “deer in headlights” look when he saw me crying.  You know that look that men make when they see a woman crying and they don’t know what to do?  He is only 15 but has already mastered that look.  He was frozen.  Speechless.  Men just don’t do well with crying women.  I could just see his mind working and wondering why I was crying and wondering when I was going to stop.  My daughter then came around the corner into the kitchen and saw me crying and immediately hugged me and said, “Mom, I don’t know why you’re crying but I love you!”

I explained to her that I was sorry that while she was eating her popsicle and telling me about Charles that I didn’t stop and look at her and that I am going to try really hard to be better at that.  Then I added that she’s going to be in high school next year and that her time with me is winding down.  Her response (with her cute little slivery smile) was so amazing:

“Mom.  I still have four days left of 8^th grade.  Please don’t rush it!”

Once again, I was reminded to take life as it comes!

Friends, if you see me zipping through the grocery store, or rushing past you at church, or playing on my phone at one of my kids' sporting events – PLEASE – remind me to slow down and to be in the moment!  Don’t over-think, don’t over-do, don’t over-schedule.  Just be in the moment.  Please remind me to slow down and chat a bit or take in my kids’ activities.  Please remind me to take life as it comes and to be in the moment.  

These moments only come once in a lifetime! 

A New Season (Part 1 - because seasons change)

These past seven months have been BIG for me.

Seven short months ago I dropped my kids off at school for their first day of 8^th and 9^th grade.  That morning, and those uncontrollable tears, was a turning point for me.  I realized at that moment that things were about to change - an old season was ending and new season was approaching.      

“For everything there is a season, and at time for every activity under heaven.” 

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

The circle of life is very peculiar and beautiful at the same time.

I spent my 20s single and carefree and (mostly) living in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I never imagined that I would ever get married or be a mom, but I was content with that.  As life goes, I fell in love with a man from home  - so moved back to Ohio at age 29, got married at age 30, had my first child at age 31, and had my second child at age 32. My role of a wife ended in 2006 which made my role as a mom intensify because, as single moms will often tell you, that’s all I had to focus on.  After my divorce, and incarcerating myself in our home for way too long, I realized that my life needed balance and that I needed things in my life outside of my children, so I went back to graduate school, developed new friendships as a “single again” woman, dated (ugh!), and developed new interests (running, riding my bike, tinkering around the house, discovering new places, etc.).  I learned to do “me things” as time and money would allow – not a lot, but enough to find balance outside of my children.  Life has been very good and I have managed this ebb and flow of kids/no kids with our shared parenting schedule over the last nine years very well. 

Then seven months ago on the first day of school - it hit me.  I never expected it. I never saw this coming.

I am finishing an old season and will start a new season.

(Here come the tears again.)

This is very hard for me.

My son will be leaving in about 3 years and my daughter in about 4 years.

I’m going to be alone again like I was in California. Single and carefree. 

What in the world am I going to do? It’s exciting and scary all at the same time – and sad in many ways because I’m alone.

Single moms – how do we do this?  We have no shoulder to cry on.  The house will be too quiet.

Some days I’m excited about my new season, and some days I cannot stop crying about it.

I have this really cool virtual career where all I need is my phone and internet service to work, so I can live anywhere and keep this job.  I can sell my house and move anywhere I want to live. I can do anything I want to do - whenever I want to do it.

I tell my kids that I’m going to keep working, but sell the house and buy a RV and live in their driveways.  I’ll be the hippie mom who rolls out of the RV every so often squinting in the daylight, then I’ll go in their houses and eat all of their food and go back in my RV.  (If they have wine, I’ll drink that too!)  

It’s OK. The Bible tells me so…

“And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor,
for these are gifts from God.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:13

My new season is coming sooner than I expected.  Ready or not – here it comes!

I am sure that God has something very cool planned for my new season and I know with all of my heart that it will be fantastic, but for now – I’m going to enjoy THIS season while it lasts because it’s awesome! One day at a time...

Can we just freeze time?

Confessions from a former fat kid – Part 2 (because I knew there would be more)

Flashback to the 1980s... to set the mood.

This is my book bag from high school.  I loved this book bag and carried it proudly while sporting my Guess jeans and feathered hair (and Swatch watch and blue mascara and everything else that was awesomely 80s).

Now, welcome to 2015.

My son is a high school wrestler and had a tournament last night at my old high school.  I was excited to not only watch him, but to also go and sit in the gymnasium of my alma mater, walk the halls, and reflect on sweet memories of my high school years when I was my son’s age (he is a Freshman).  My high school years truly hold some of my dearest memories; my friends from high school are among my best friends today, and my big brother (one year older than me) is still my hero. Those were some very good years! 

To get in the spirit of the occasion last night, I carried my old book bag and feathered my hair (oh yes I did). I was going to wear my old Guess jeans (I still have them and can still get into them) but decided against it. The zippers on jeans "back then" were a lot longer than they are these days so the waistband nearly touches my boobies which is uncomfortable.  Also, the back pockets on jeans "back then" were not sized nor placed in flattering spots.  What was the deal with those tiny back pockets placed so high anyways? Mercy.

Not to be a buzzkill, but you know one is coming. Right!?!

As I sat on the bleachers last night taking in the old sights and smells, I looked over at the doorway of the girl’s locker room and my tummy suddenly had a wave of nausea recalling my freshman and sophomore years’ gym class.  You see, I was the fat kid so gym class was a horrifying experience. My mom handmade my shorts for gym class because I was chunky and had a hard time finding clothes that fit - even in the “plus section."  (She handmade my jeans too – complete with the fancy stitching on the back pockets to look like Calvin Klein jeans which I could not fit into either.) Changing clothes in front of the other girls in the locker room was devastating for me.  Participating in gym class was even more devastating because I was so uncoordinated and everything jiggled when I moved.  (As a side note – my gym teacher was a dead ringer for Beulah the Ballbreaker from Porky’s.  No joke.)  You get the picture.

I tipped the scales at 200 pounds my sophomore year of high school and I was only about five feet tall - complete with braces and all.

Oh yes I was.

As I sat there last night looking at the door to the girl’s locker room, and that wave of nausea took me back 32-33 years, I suddenly felt a sense of peace because I’m not at that place emotionally anymore. 

These days I will change my clothes in front of other women at the gym and I can buy my shorts off the rack.  I’m certainly not a swimsuit model, but I’m OK.  And I was OK back then too – I just didn't see it.  "OK" is not in the size of clothes you wear – "OK" is in your heart. I did not have a size issue as much as I had a heart issue.  My 14-15 year old self was not capable nor mature enough to understand that, but she  understands it now.  I am not fully recovered emotionally from being the fat kid, but for the most part – I’m OK.  I’m still working on getting in better shape and losing a few extra pounds, but I think it will be a lifelong journey and I’m not sure if anybody every fully “gets there.”  I still wish my belly were flatter and my rear-end were tighter, but for the most part – I’m OK.    

     

"Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be."

— Rick Warren

Fast forward 2015.

I’m about fifty pounds lighter, five inches taller, and a billion times more at peace with myself.

I’m not where I want to be, but I am a LOT further than I used to be.

Growing up is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

“I AM the one who knocks.” – Walter White

This winter, the Midwest has been very snowy and brutally cold especially the past few weeks.  To occupy myself while I am holed-up until spring, I am barreling through five seasons of Breaking Bad on Netflix. Truth be told, prior to four weeks ago I had never even heard of the show.  

Wikipedia describes the show like this:

It tells the story of Walter White (Bryan Cranston), a struggling high school chemistry teacher diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, who, together with his former student Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul), turns to a life of crime, producing and selling crystallized methamphetamine to secure his family's financial future before he dies.

I watch a show about drugs and crime and lots of bad stuff.

In one scene of Breaking Bad, Walter’s wife is worried that dangerous people will come knocking at their door looking for Walter since he is entangled in the dangerous drug world.  By this point in the show, Walter is a very valuable person in the drug business because he is a master chemist and is making top-notch meth which is in high demand.  He is respected in the drug world and therefore very powerful.  His reply to his worried wife was this:

“I AM the one who knocks.” (meaning that HE is the one in control)

So how can this remind me of the Bible?

Now friends, you know I love me some Jesus which seems very contrary to this show.  I hope the good Lord sees my heart and doesn’t condemn me for connecting Breaking Bad with the Bible, but as we all know - God is everywhere - so is with me when I am engrossed in Breaking Bad. God knows that I watch it anyways.        

Well here goes.

In Matthew chapter 7 as Jesus was teaching a crowd, he said this:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;

knock and the door will be opened to you.”  Matthew 7:7

Do you ask? Do you seek? Do you knock? 

Are you persistent in pursuing God even when you don’t feel that He hears you?  

How many times? Do you give up after a few prayers?

You see, he isn’t going to chase you down.  YOU need to pursue HIM.

YOU need to do the asking, seeking, and knocking!

I challenge you to be the one who knocks and pursue God with all of your heart!

I AM the one who knocks. (Me. Jen.)

Are you?

Here's the clip! :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ8OPlEQb3I

Pursue JOY!

Pursue JOY. Chase JOY. Run after JOY, Choose JOY.

Verb to your mother. (Do you see what I just did there?)

It’s an action. Something you have to DO!

Webster defines joy this way:

A feeling of great happiness, a source or cause of happiness, something or someone that gives joy to someone, success in doing, finding, or getting something.

Being joyful is a choice. No matter what your circumstances are – there is always something to be joyful about!

Divorce. Death, Disappointment. Focus on joy. 

Oh, yes you can!

How? Well, thanks for asking!

Be grateful.  You have so much to be thankful for! Record those things that bring you joy and reflect on them.  If they were that good, go back and do them again!

Pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit indwells you with JOY! Pray away the negative stuff and bad attitude crap.

Smile. Turn that frown upside down!

Quit worrying. Just stop it!

Eat good, exercise, and get enough sleep. I think we have all heard that before but it’s true!

Do things (short of sin) that make you happy.

Pay attention to the minutia in the mundane. (Savor your coffee and look your kids in the eyes when they are sharing their day with you.) It’s the little things!

You have to consciously choose to pursue joy.  It won’t come chasing you. Pursue.  Just like relationships – you need to pursue… chase… want… desire…  go after joy! Don’t sit around and wait for your happy to walk in the door – go after it!

Joyful people are not always rich people, or skinny people, or CEOs of companies. They are just ordinary people with extraordinary attitudes.  

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart! Where? Down in my heart to stay!  (That’s the little Baptist girl coming out in me right there!)

How do you pursue JOY?  Please share with me!

Heaven is not for everyone

When someone dies, we often hear things like this:

“She is in a better place.” OR “He is out of pain.” OR “We will see her again someday.”

Folks, I hate to break this to you, but those words often are meaningless.  The very words meant to comfort are often of no value whatsoever.  I hope they are true for your loved one, but they may not be.   

I remember when my father passed away hearing those words by his well-meaning friends.  I was taken aback by the assumption of heaven upon death.  Heaven is not automatic and not everyone goes there. 

The Bible, the Word of God, is very clear about the way to heaven.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

~ Romans 3:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life 

through Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 6:23

If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord

and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God,

and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved. ~ Romans 10:9-10

You must be saved to go to heaven. And yes, I said, “saved.” This is not some weird word that church people use to scare people. It’s in the Bible.  

As we approach Christmas and celebrate the birth of Jesus, remember that Jesus was born, and then died and was raised from the dead for every single one of us!  Believing this makes you right with God and grants you eternal life in heaven.  Eternal life (heaven) is a free gift – by believing in Jesus. Being a good person and doing good deeds is not the ticket to heaven.  Believing in Jesus, the son of God – our SAVIOR - is the way to eternal life!   

My dad and his oldest brother (my uncle) were both diagnosed with terminal cancer within a month of each other in the beginning of 2010.  My uncle passed away on April 18^th that year, then my dad four months later on August 17^th. My uncle was very involved in his church and a devout Catholic, whereas my dad was quite the rascal and did not attend church except on a few occasions. After my uncle’s funeral, my dad, who by then was in a wheelchair and clearly knew his days living with brain cancer were numbered, said to me, “If Ed didn't make it to heaven – I don’t stand a chance.”  That opened up one of the most beautiful conversations I could ever have imagined with my dad!  I had the chance to talk about Jesus with my dad and assure him that his sinful life was not a barrier to heaven, but simply believing in Jesus was the way to eternal life! His 69 years of sin were erased because of what Jesus did on the cross – and dad believed that in his heart!  When I get to heaven, dad will be welcoming me!  Thank you Jesus!

I don’t know what’s in your heart – only God knows our hearts – but I do pray that you let Jesus into your heart this Christmas if you have not already done so.  Regardless of what you have done, and whatever your sins are (we are ALL sinners!) - heaven can be for you!  Jesus is God’s free gift to us and what a reason to celebrate!  Take time to thank God for this gift – Jesus - the gift of eternal life.  

    

Merry Christmas!

I love you all! xo 

Here we go round the mountain again – RIDE OVER!!

Best advice of the day - right here!

It’s so easy for girls like me to get ahead of myself.  I have a sweet friend who is a lot like me and she WAS me this morning.  Poor girl.  I love her like crazy, but sometimes she reminds me so much of ME that I have a little freak out when we talk.  Like this morning.

She was telling me about a situation in her life where she already had all of the possible scenarios played out in her head.  She had tried this or that tactic in the past to make things better and the results were never in her favor.  She knew a change was necessary, but did not see change really happening.   She was a little overwhelmed and was frustrated.  Anybody ever been there before?  Please tell me that my girly friend and I are not the only ones who do this sort of thing.  We predict failure before we even try because it didn’t work in the past. 

Here was my advice to her…

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Now isn’t that profound?

DUH!?!?!?!?

But it’s TRUE!!  We get ahead of ourselves and worry about what is down the road when there is so much out of our control.  We think “what ifs” until we are paralyzed and then nothing gets accomplished.  In a nutshell, we worry way too much.  We overthink.  We lose the lesson that God wants to teach us. Focus of the Lord.  Be obedient to Him.  Let Him work.  Trust Him. 

The Bible says this:

 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

Now isn’t that the TRUTH!?!

Just focus on getting through today.  Tomorrow will bring its own set of new set of problems.  If you don’t think you can get through today, focus on getting through the next hour.  If that’s too much, focus on getting through the next minute.

Problems, challenges, sadness… we all go through it!  Just CALM DOWN (as my son always tells me) and look to the Lord for strength and focus on getting through TODAY.  Then celebrate and be proud of yourself for surviving something yucky for another day with a spoonful of peanut butter or something!       

Really… break it down.  It’s not so bad when you take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

God will provide enough strength for today.  That’s all you need.  Worry about tomorrow – tomorrow.   

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Little broken hearts makes momma's heart hurt

My kids have broken hearts and that makes this momma’s heart hurt.  Their childhood pet of almost ten years is at the end of her life and will be meeting Jesus tomorrow.  Some people think that pets don’t go to heaven, but since I’ve never been to heaven to verify - I’m sticking with pets go to heaven.

Daisy was a sweetie and a great companion for my kids.  We got her when she was about 8 weeks old from a farmer.  Her mom was named “Miss Thing” and her dad was “LB” which was short for “Little Buddy.”  The little wire-haired Jack Russell Terriers were in a chicken coop.  It was actually an idyllic setting – very peaceful and charming.  Daisy came right up to Jami and Daddy – so we knew she was the one for us.  

After the divorce, Daisy stayed with Daddy so the kids and I got a cat named Duke.  Daisy and Duke. Get it?  Duke went to heaven last year.

It’s really amazing the love and joy that pets bring into our lives.  If you’re not a pet person, you might not understand, but trust me – the love is real. 

Saying good-bye to Daisy today was very emotional.  Seeing the hurt in my kids was agonizing.  I know it’s only a pet… but still.  Nothing breaks my heart worse that seeing my kids’ hearts broken for any reason.  Someday, when my kids have kids, they will understand.    

It makes me think of my own mom seeing me go through my heartbreaks.  Her heart must have hurt.

It makes me think of God watching me when my heart was broke.  His heart must have hurt.

If I could take the pain for my kids – I would.  But as with life, they will have more heartbreaks and I will always be there to comfort them the best that I can.  Momma love is like that.

So life goes on and our hearts mend in time.  The cool part is the love and memories remain.

Life is short, so LOVE like crazy even if it hurts sometimes!!!!  Deal? 

 

When you lose - don’t lose the lesson!

My 8^th grade son is a Wrestler.  This is his second season wrestling and he has become my mini-man hero!  It take guts, like nothing else I have ever seen in a human, to go out there in front of a crowd in a singlet and go man-to-man all by himself.  If you have a teenage son, you know that thirteen years old is NO JOKE when it comes to self-confidence and all of that emotional stuff.  These are some tough years!  He is just learning the sport, and every single day he makes improvements in his sport.  Isn’t that what life is really all about about!?!  Getting a little better every day?  

Spiritually.  Physically.  Emotionally.

I bought my son an iPad Mini for Christmas.  I (half jokingly) told him that with it I would record his wrestling matches, but he will have to win because I don’t want to record him losing.  His reply to me was one I will NEVER FORGET:

“I will learn more from watching myself lose than watching myself win.”

Whoa.

That is a VERY mature statement and holds so much truth.

Proud mom moment right there!

I think back on failures (jobs I did not get, relationships gone wrong, quotas I did not meet, etc.) and in reflecting on those I have grown a little bit wiser every time with every failure.  I have failed many times, but those are the lessons where I learned the most!

It's funny how you forget what you did right when you win, but you never forget what you did wrong when you lose.

Sometimes we are afraid to try because we are afraid to lose, but it’s in losing that we learn the best lessons!  Winning is great, and a sweet reward for our hard work, but it’s just not going to happen every time.  We can't be afraid to lose! 

Let’s wrestle!

All the single ladies - put your hands up… in 2014

I have been going through a VERY fun and exciting exercise over the past few days and REALLY want you to consider doing the same!  My MBA head gets a little carried away at times with analytical thinking, but this was a life-changing experience going into the New Year so want to share my experience with you all.  You don’t have to take it as far as me, but PLEASE think about this.

As single ladies, we meet Mr. Amazing and get grooving in the newness of the situation with reckless abandonment of what is really important to us.  I get the whole “it takes time to get to know someone” thing, but let’s face it… chemistry and values are important.  I have looked at Mr. Amazing’s list of great values but ignored the NO chemistry part, and vice versa - have felt the chemistry ignoring the values part.  We often try to make square pegs fit in round holes and it’s just not comfortable.  We don’t RUN fast enough when the red flags tell us to RUN and it makes for yuck-yuck down the road.  Amen!?!

In truth, do we even know what we are looking for in the first place?

So here’s my exciting exercise (and it does NOT involve running or boob sweat this time, so please relax):

I have categorized a few key areas on what I have to offer and am looking for in a lovie dovie.  Here are my key areas:  personality, youthful approach to life, physical, romance, responsibility and priorities, lifestyle, intelligence, values and ideals, spirituality, and confidence.  I intend on this document being fluid and ever-changing.  Think of it as a roadmap for 2014.  You can never get to where you want to go by driving in circles! 

Here’s a verse from the Good Book that applies very well:

“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.” ~ Proverbs 26:11 NLT

Pretty gross, huh!?!    

My point is this, we need to understand ourselves first and what is important to us before we can go looking for those things in someone else.  I hear girls say, “He was beneath me” or “I lowered my standards.”  You have to have a baseline to compare standards to in the first place.  He’s beneath WHAT?

I cannot be too rigid with this impossible list of the PERFECT man, but there are certain things that I cannot and will not compromise on.  I’m shallow, so he has to be HOT. I’m not gonna lie.  Sue me.

Anywho… clearly know what YOU have going for YOU first.  You have to love and understand yourself FIRST.  Be honest with yourself and correct those area in YOU that need corrected before you look for Mr. Amazing to do the damage repair. 

Make sense?

Happy New Year, ladies!  Cheers!  xo

"Surrender: How to Experience Peace" - CedarCreek Church service recap

When the current series "How to Get Through What You Are Going Through" was first announced at church over a month ago, I clearly remember thinking that it all sounded good for someone else and that I hoped the message touched many hearts.  I had no idea that the series was going to be directed at me.

You see, at the time the series was announced - I was good.  Really good.  I was engaged to be married to the man I though God placed in my life as an answer to my prayers.  I was just sure this was “the one.”  He looked and walked and talked and smelled just like the man I had been praying for.  I just knew he was my future husband the first moment I laid my eyes on him. Right before this new series began, he broke the engagement and I was heartbroken, confused, mad, sad, angry, struggling, and not at peace anymore.      

This past weeks' service was titled "Surrender: How to Experience Peace" and it really hit home with me like I never saw coming!  I thought I was coping well, but I have not really experienced peace with my broken engagement yet.  Peace may come today, and it may not come for months, or years, but I do know that God is working on me and bringing me closer to peace every day.  I have no doubt that I will get through what I am going through and am growing closer to God in this process.  I have questions that there are no answers to and desires (being married) that are not going to be.   In the accompanying Bible study yesterday, the speaker's words were quoted: “I need to bury that desire.  I will trust that what you have is better than what I have planned.”   These words were like honey (Proverbs 16:24)! 

Today, I took special care of myself which is something that I tend to let slip when I am feeling blue.  I took my time with my hair and makeup, put on my new skinny jeans, and wore a purple sweater with a cowl neck that always gets me compliments. (It’s a weird color with my blonde hair, but somehow it works for me.)  I went to my Bible study this afternoon and two of the ladies commented on my hair and how good I looked in the sweater.  I told them that this Saturday was supposed to be my wedding day and I was feeling sad so decided to get myself all duded-up and was going to “fake it till I make it.”  I chose to look my best today whether I felt like my best or not.

I have been productive these past several weeks and have been working out a lot and eating well to feel as good physically as I can.  I am having a hard time sleeping, but that will come in time.  I have been loving like crazy lately: serving at Vision Kitchen, loving-up extra on my kids, sending out my Fabulous Conference postcards to my girlfriends, and things like that expressing my love. 

So today, I open the accompanying Bible study and was so sweetly reminded, “But remember, it’s not the end of the story.”  WOW!!!!  How true that is!  My hope comes from The Prince of Peace who will guide me to my next destination.  I will not let fear outweigh my hope for a new path.  This path (marriage) was not meant to be, but I trust that wherever God is taking me is greater than any place I could possibly imagine!

I have a beautiful purple dress with a cowl neck hanging in my closet that will not be worn this Saturday.  I searched high and low to find this dress because I knew, like my sweater, it would make me look my best on my special day.  That dress may never be worn, or a wedding dress of any sort for me, and that is something that I have accepted.  I am clothed in the Righteousness of Christ, and for that alone – I am blessed!

May the love of Jesus touch each of your lives - and bring you peace!

xo

1-on-1 kid time (a single mom issue)

They are lots of yucky things about being divorced, and getting 1-on-1 kid time is definitely one of them that many people do not realize.  I either have BOTH kids, or NO kids.

I am very guilty of multitasking.  I try to do too many things at once and feel like I have to fit tons of tasks and to-dos in aboutthismuchtime which has robbed my kids of 1-on-1 time with me which they both actually enjoy.  Shame on me!  I used to allow those precious little slivers of 1-on-1 time go by.  Not anymore, and you should see how messy my house is to prove it!   

1-on-1 time is so critical because it really allows us moms to tap into our kids' heads and find out what is going on.  These middle school years are tough – no doubt about it!  I want and need to be their sounding board to comfort them, and reassure them, and give them Godly guidance the best that I can.  I never want them to feel like I don’t have time for them.  The house can wait.  The text from a friend can wait.  My kids are growing up way too fast and they can't wait!    

My son’s Love Language is “Quality Time” in a big way!  My daughter is a bit of a mystery as I find her to be all FIVE of the Love Languages.  Whew!  She sure keeps me guessing! 

Here are some things that I’ve been doing for quality 1-on-1 time which may seem obvious, but to me have become very beneficial:

My son – He’s a guy, so prefers shoulder-to-shoulder 1-on-1 time and not so much deep heartfelt conversations while looking at each other.  He opens up so much more when he is not looking at me, but rather while “doing stuff together” like guys do.     

·         Running together (when his buddies are not on XBOX Live, that is)     

·         Sitting and watching Sports Center or any sports on TV.  He really likes for me to sit with him.

·         Cleaning his room together (Yes, he is 13 and likes an orderly bedroom which I realize is unusual.  He is wound a little tight like me in some areas.  Poor kid! J)

·         Looking at Alabama football merchandise online - Roll Tide!

·         Staying and watching his sports practices

·         Being at every single sporting event that he participates in.  If I need to miss one, I try to tell him a few weeks in advance, like when his schedule first comes out, so that he is prepared.  He ALWAYS looks for me in the stands/bleachers.  My presence is very important to him.    

·         Watching him play XBOX.  He likes me to sit on his bed and watch him play.  We don’t even talk.  I’m just there.

·         Playing basketball with him in our dining room or backyard

My daughter – She is a girly girl who loves it all!  She likes for me to buy her things, spend time with her, leave her love notes, do nice things for her (like clean her room), and give her lots and lots of hugs and kisses!  One great thing about my daughter is that she is very clear about what she needs from me and will express it clearly.  Some of the ways we spend 1-on-1 time together are free, and some cost me a little money.  She really is an easy girl to please. 

·         Take her shopping (even grocery shopping which she loves)

·         Bike ride - which is her favorite summertime activity

·         Clean her room together (More like I clean while she sits on her bed and talks to me and watches me do all the work!)

·         Share a salad or dinner at a nice restaurant with white cloth napkins (She has great taste!)

·         Learn dance moves together from YouTube (like the “Tush Push”)

·         Watch her sing and dance and put on little shows for me

·         Watch her swim.  Just sit and watch her. 

·         Play SkipBo or any sort of card or board game

·         Cook together

·         Look at Pinterest together on the couch

·         Watch Chick flicks together (That’s my girl!)
 

Single moms out there -Please do not get caught-up in doing things that years from now will never matter like obsessing about your house or appearance.  Another thing I see so much of that breaks my heart is when moms are with their kids, but are texting away on their phone or playing on Facebook when they could be playing with their sweet kids.  I’m not saying you should’t do these things, but just be aware that your kids want to see YOU and not the back of your head while you are doing something else.  Focused attention is critical for communication.

I’m done now.  Go and have some fun and PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS!!! xo