Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Get this chubby monkey off my back already!

It's been long enough.  44.5 years is waaaay too long to be carrying this load.  Time to go - chubby monkey!

I was a fat kid. (I hit 200 my sophomore year of high school.)  I'm actually the slimmest that I have ever been in my life right now, but I still have this extra layer of chub that really, really, really bothers me.  It overwhelms me and actually gives me anxiety that makes me depressed, which causes me to eat the wrong foods for comfort and fullness, which gives me anxiety that makes me depressed which makes me eat for comfort and to feel full...in private (yes, binges)... and so the cycle goes.  I hate hearing people say, "You look great!  You don't have any weight to lose."  Well, they have never seen me naked.  It's not pretty.  And this constant feeling of defeat and failure is tearing me apart inside. I've just never quite gotten there.  Close, but not quite.  Close doesn't count anymore.  Close is Satan saying that it's OK to settle and compromise.

So I joined Weight Watchers on New Years' Eve and officially started my diet on January 1st.  Yes, I AM calling it a "diet" because I am consciously restricting my calories right now.  "Diet" helps me realize it's a temporary sacrifice.  When I think I can't have something like white sugar ever again, I panic.  With my "diet," I can have white sugar if I plan for it.  I'm already down 6.4 pounds.  I will not allow the scale to define me day to day anymore, so am only getting weighed at my meetings on Wednesdays.  I'll keep better track of my progress here on my blog.  But NO NAKED PICTURES.  Mercy.  In addition to my WW meetings, I've joined an accountability group on Facebook which has been such a blessing! You can check us out on www.athomewithkim.com. It's called Weigh-In Wednesdays (WIW).  Clink the link below and you will be there.  I am also into the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst.  It's all good stuff!

While I am on my "diet," I am also making lifelong lifestyle changes like less carbs and more veggies and fruit.  I haven't been very disciplined about working out this winter, but I ran/walked 3 miles yesterday on my treadmill.  I'm getting my MOJO back slowly but surely. 

Back to the chubby monkey on my back....

I feel that it is Satan telling me that I can't do this.  I'm this close to feeling like my best self (16.4 pounds away, to be exact) and the enemy is telling me I can't do it.  Oh yeah?  God says I CAN!!! 

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." ~ Philippians 4:13    

And my God is way stronger than the enemy any day of the week!

But - I have to believe this truth.  REALLY believe this truth.

Something has clicked this time.  I am determined to break free of this chubby monkey.  I have my WIW Sisters praying for me and supporting me, I believe in myself, but most importantly, my Creator wants me to be the best version of me that I can be!  He wants this chubby monkey off my back too.

Bye bye chubby monkey!  I won't miss you one bit!


  1. I'm with you, time for me to end the trend, and you to shed the monkey. We've got this!

  2. We SO got this, Liane! Something is different this time.... :)

  3. Goodbye chubby monkey. But Jenni you are not a chubby monkey. You are a precious child of God. And you are growing into a very healthy child of God. :) I'm right there with you on this journey as I want to lose 20 pounds. We can do this; yes we can!

    Blessings and love,

  4. You got this Jenni!!!!! Go go go!!!!!!!!

  5. You've SOOOO got this GirlFriend!!! And we are right here cheering you on. So proud of you!

  6. I'm going to start WW on Feb. 2nd. I am a little nervous. I've been on WW several times, and only actually lost weight (about 10lbs) once. I truly hope that I can stick with the plan this time!

  7. I soo get you!! People always look shocked when I tell them I want to lose 15lbs! I tell them I have the jello effect. I can easily push & squeeze all my goodness gracious into my jeans, it's when I unzip them that the mess falls out! I want to be firmer & more toned :) It's soo true how Satan LOVES to discourage us! Loved your verse & am claiming God's strength & truth to stand strong on my weight loss plan :) Together we WILL rid ourselves of our chubby monkeys! Blessings Jenni!

  8. This is every bit as much a spiritual journey as it is a weigh-loss journey for all of us. 15 pounds or 50 pounds to lose - the feeling of not being at our best is defeating. The constant obsession (if that's the right word) is annoying and really has to go (for me anyways)!

  9. You girls are all amazing! Such blessings! xo

  10. Hello, I am stopping in from Kim's WIW.
    Wow. Your entire first paragraph just speaks to me soooo much. That cycle, that "binge" eating, my "food addictions"..man...they have really been hard. And I remember the frustration I would feel when people would tell me "you have nothing to lose, you don't need to worry about it" because I felt deflated of encouragement.

    Our God is an Amazing God.
    I was 3 pounds away from my "goal weight" my doctor set. It was discovered last year I have really high cholesterol, yet, am too young for my doc to want to put me on any medications yet. YIKES. Plus my husband has diabetes. Being healthy is something we need to be.
    And then something happened, that cycle hit, and BAM. I lost half my progress in two months.
    However, I'm getting back on track. And reading this post has just really encouraged me. I also need to "Really Believe This Truth".
    I hope to continue to link up at Kim's and be able to follow along with this journey. Really really enjoyed reading this post. Thank you.

  11. Thank you for stopping by, RaZella! You just inspired me! Thank you, thank you! I feel that this 15ish pounds to go place is the most frustrating and defeating place to be. It's that place where you could easily compromise and say "I'm close enough" because our little extra layer of chub (or "goodness gracious" as Kim B. calls it) can be disguised. But, it's STILL THERE - especially in our heads and hearts as reminder of a cycle that needs to end. A cycle that I don't want to teach my daughter. You are added to my prayers, Sister! Please stay in touch! xo