It's been long enough. 44.5 years is waaaay too long to be carrying this load. Time to go - chubby monkey!
I was a fat kid. (I hit 200 my sophomore year of high school.) I'm actually the slimmest that I have ever been in my life right now, but I still have this extra layer of chub that really, really, really bothers me. It overwhelms me and actually gives me anxiety that makes me depressed, which causes me to eat the wrong foods for comfort and fullness, which gives me anxiety that makes me depressed which makes me eat for comfort and to feel full...in private (yes, binges)... and so the cycle goes. I hate hearing people say, "You look great! You don't have any weight to lose." Well, they have never seen me naked. It's not pretty. And this constant feeling of defeat and failure is tearing me apart inside. I've just never quite gotten there. Close, but not quite. Close doesn't count anymore. Close is Satan saying that it's OK to settle and compromise.
So I joined Weight Watchers on New Years' Eve and officially started my diet on January 1st. Yes, I AM calling it a "diet" because I am consciously restricting my calories right now. "Diet" helps me realize it's a temporary sacrifice. When I think I can't have something like white sugar ever again, I panic. With my "diet," I can have white sugar if I plan for it. I'm already down 6.4 pounds. I will not allow the scale to define me day to day anymore, so am only getting weighed at my meetings on Wednesdays. I'll keep better track of my progress here on my blog. But NO NAKED PICTURES. Mercy. In addition to my WW meetings, I've joined an accountability group on Facebook which has been such a blessing! You can check us out on www.athomewithkim.com. It's called Weigh-In Wednesdays (WIW). Clink the link below and you will be there. I am also into the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. It's all good stuff!
While I am on my "diet," I am also making lifelong lifestyle changes like less carbs and more veggies and fruit. I haven't been very disciplined about working out this winter, but I ran/walked 3 miles yesterday on my treadmill. I'm getting my MOJO back slowly but surely.
Back to the chubby monkey on my back....
I feel that it is Satan telling me that I can't do this. I'm this close to feeling like my best self (16.4 pounds away, to be exact) and the enemy is telling me I can't do it. Oh yeah? God says I CAN!!!
"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." ~ Philippians 4:13
And my God is way stronger than the enemy any day of the week!
But - I have to believe this truth. REALLY believe this truth.
Something has clicked this time. I am determined to break free of this chubby monkey. I have my WIW Sisters praying for me and supporting me, I believe in myself, but most importantly, my Creator wants me to be the best version of me that I can be! He wants this chubby monkey off my back too.
Bye bye chubby monkey! I won't miss you one bit!