Here we go round the mountain again – RIDE OVER!!

Best advice of the day - right here!

It’s so easy for girls like me to get ahead of myself.  I have a sweet friend who is a lot like me and she WAS me this morning.  Poor girl.  I love her like crazy, but sometimes she reminds me so much of ME that I have a little freak out when we talk.  Like this morning.

She was telling me about a situation in her life where she already had all of the possible scenarios played out in her head.  She had tried this or that tactic in the past to make things better and the results were never in her favor.  She knew a change was necessary, but did not see change really happening.   She was a little overwhelmed and was frustrated.  Anybody ever been there before?  Please tell me that my girly friend and I are not the only ones who do this sort of thing.  We predict failure before we even try because it didn’t work in the past. 

Here was my advice to her…

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Now isn’t that profound?

DUH!?!?!?!?

But it’s TRUE!!  We get ahead of ourselves and worry about what is down the road when there is so much out of our control.  We think “what ifs” until we are paralyzed and then nothing gets accomplished.  In a nutshell, we worry way too much.  We overthink.  We lose the lesson that God wants to teach us. Focus of the Lord.  Be obedient to Him.  Let Him work.  Trust Him. 

The Bible says this:

 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

Now isn’t that the TRUTH!?!

Just focus on getting through today.  Tomorrow will bring its own set of new set of problems.  If you don’t think you can get through today, focus on getting through the next hour.  If that’s too much, focus on getting through the next minute.

Problems, challenges, sadness… we all go through it!  Just CALM DOWN (as my son always tells me) and look to the Lord for strength and focus on getting through TODAY.  Then celebrate and be proud of yourself for surviving something yucky for another day with a spoonful of peanut butter or something!       

Really… break it down.  It’s not so bad when you take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

God will provide enough strength for today.  That’s all you need.  Worry about tomorrow – tomorrow.   

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Little broken hearts makes momma's heart hurt

My kids have broken hearts and that makes this momma’s heart hurt.  Their childhood pet of almost ten years is at the end of her life and will be meeting Jesus tomorrow.  Some people think that pets don’t go to heaven, but since I’ve never been to heaven to verify - I’m sticking with pets go to heaven.

Daisy was a sweetie and a great companion for my kids.  We got her when she was about 8 weeks old from a farmer.  Her mom was named “Miss Thing” and her dad was “LB” which was short for “Little Buddy.”  The little wire-haired Jack Russell Terriers were in a chicken coop.  It was actually an idyllic setting – very peaceful and charming.  Daisy came right up to Jami and Daddy – so we knew she was the one for us.  

After the divorce, Daisy stayed with Daddy so the kids and I got a cat named Duke.  Daisy and Duke. Get it?  Duke went to heaven last year.

It’s really amazing the love and joy that pets bring into our lives.  If you’re not a pet person, you might not understand, but trust me – the love is real. 

Saying good-bye to Daisy today was very emotional.  Seeing the hurt in my kids was agonizing.  I know it’s only a pet… but still.  Nothing breaks my heart worse that seeing my kids’ hearts broken for any reason.  Someday, when my kids have kids, they will understand.    

It makes me think of my own mom seeing me go through my heartbreaks.  Her heart must have hurt.

It makes me think of God watching me when my heart was broke.  His heart must have hurt.

If I could take the pain for my kids – I would.  But as with life, they will have more heartbreaks and I will always be there to comfort them the best that I can.  Momma love is like that.

So life goes on and our hearts mend in time.  The cool part is the love and memories remain.

Life is short, so LOVE like crazy even if it hurts sometimes!!!!  Deal? 

 

When you lose - don’t lose the lesson!

My 8^th grade son is a Wrestler.  This is his second season wrestling and he has become my mini-man hero!  It take guts, like nothing else I have ever seen in a human, to go out there in front of a crowd in a singlet and go man-to-man all by himself.  If you have a teenage son, you know that thirteen years old is NO JOKE when it comes to self-confidence and all of that emotional stuff.  These are some tough years!  He is just learning the sport, and every single day he makes improvements in his sport.  Isn’t that what life is really all about about!?!  Getting a little better every day?  

Spiritually.  Physically.  Emotionally.

I bought my son an iPad Mini for Christmas.  I (half jokingly) told him that with it I would record his wrestling matches, but he will have to win because I don’t want to record him losing.  His reply to me was one I will NEVER FORGET:

“I will learn more from watching myself lose than watching myself win.”

Whoa.

That is a VERY mature statement and holds so much truth.

Proud mom moment right there!

I think back on failures (jobs I did not get, relationships gone wrong, quotas I did not meet, etc.) and in reflecting on those I have grown a little bit wiser every time with every failure.  I have failed many times, but those are the lessons where I learned the most!

It's funny how you forget what you did right when you win, but you never forget what you did wrong when you lose.

Sometimes we are afraid to try because we are afraid to lose, but it’s in losing that we learn the best lessons!  Winning is great, and a sweet reward for our hard work, but it’s just not going to happen every time.  We can't be afraid to lose! 

Let’s wrestle!

All the single ladies - put your hands up… in 2014

I have been going through a VERY fun and exciting exercise over the past few days and REALLY want you to consider doing the same!  My MBA head gets a little carried away at times with analytical thinking, but this was a life-changing experience going into the New Year so want to share my experience with you all.  You don’t have to take it as far as me, but PLEASE think about this.

As single ladies, we meet Mr. Amazing and get grooving in the newness of the situation with reckless abandonment of what is really important to us.  I get the whole “it takes time to get to know someone” thing, but let’s face it… chemistry and values are important.  I have looked at Mr. Amazing’s list of great values but ignored the NO chemistry part, and vice versa - have felt the chemistry ignoring the values part.  We often try to make square pegs fit in round holes and it’s just not comfortable.  We don’t RUN fast enough when the red flags tell us to RUN and it makes for yuck-yuck down the road.  Amen!?!

In truth, do we even know what we are looking for in the first place?

So here’s my exciting exercise (and it does NOT involve running or boob sweat this time, so please relax):

I have categorized a few key areas on what I have to offer and am looking for in a lovie dovie.  Here are my key areas:  personality, youthful approach to life, physical, romance, responsibility and priorities, lifestyle, intelligence, values and ideals, spirituality, and confidence.  I intend on this document being fluid and ever-changing.  Think of it as a roadmap for 2014.  You can never get to where you want to go by driving in circles! 

Here’s a verse from the Good Book that applies very well:

“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.” ~ Proverbs 26:11 NLT

Pretty gross, huh!?!    

My point is this, we need to understand ourselves first and what is important to us before we can go looking for those things in someone else.  I hear girls say, “He was beneath me” or “I lowered my standards.”  You have to have a baseline to compare standards to in the first place.  He’s beneath WHAT?

I cannot be too rigid with this impossible list of the PERFECT man, but there are certain things that I cannot and will not compromise on.  I’m shallow, so he has to be HOT. I’m not gonna lie.  Sue me.

Anywho… clearly know what YOU have going for YOU first.  You have to love and understand yourself FIRST.  Be honest with yourself and correct those area in YOU that need corrected before you look for Mr. Amazing to do the damage repair. 

Make sense?

Happy New Year, ladies!  Cheers!  xo

"Surrender: How to Experience Peace" - CedarCreek Church service recap

When the current series "How to Get Through What You Are Going Through" was first announced at church over a month ago, I clearly remember thinking that it all sounded good for someone else and that I hoped the message touched many hearts.  I had no idea that the series was going to be directed at me.

You see, at the time the series was announced - I was good.  Really good.  I was engaged to be married to the man I though God placed in my life as an answer to my prayers.  I was just sure this was “the one.”  He looked and walked and talked and smelled just like the man I had been praying for.  I just knew he was my future husband the first moment I laid my eyes on him. Right before this new series began, he broke the engagement and I was heartbroken, confused, mad, sad, angry, struggling, and not at peace anymore.      

This past weeks' service was titled "Surrender: How to Experience Peace" and it really hit home with me like I never saw coming!  I thought I was coping well, but I have not really experienced peace with my broken engagement yet.  Peace may come today, and it may not come for months, or years, but I do know that God is working on me and bringing me closer to peace every day.  I have no doubt that I will get through what I am going through and am growing closer to God in this process.  I have questions that there are no answers to and desires (being married) that are not going to be.   In the accompanying Bible study yesterday, the speaker's words were quoted: “I need to bury that desire.  I will trust that what you have is better than what I have planned.”   These words were like honey (Proverbs 16:24)! 

Today, I took special care of myself which is something that I tend to let slip when I am feeling blue.  I took my time with my hair and makeup, put on my new skinny jeans, and wore a purple sweater with a cowl neck that always gets me compliments. (It’s a weird color with my blonde hair, but somehow it works for me.)  I went to my Bible study this afternoon and two of the ladies commented on my hair and how good I looked in the sweater.  I told them that this Saturday was supposed to be my wedding day and I was feeling sad so decided to get myself all duded-up and was going to “fake it till I make it.”  I chose to look my best today whether I felt like my best or not.

I have been productive these past several weeks and have been working out a lot and eating well to feel as good physically as I can.  I am having a hard time sleeping, but that will come in time.  I have been loving like crazy lately: serving at Vision Kitchen, loving-up extra on my kids, sending out my Fabulous Conference postcards to my girlfriends, and things like that expressing my love. 

So today, I open the accompanying Bible study and was so sweetly reminded, “But remember, it’s not the end of the story.”  WOW!!!!  How true that is!  My hope comes from The Prince of Peace who will guide me to my next destination.  I will not let fear outweigh my hope for a new path.  This path (marriage) was not meant to be, but I trust that wherever God is taking me is greater than any place I could possibly imagine!

I have a beautiful purple dress with a cowl neck hanging in my closet that will not be worn this Saturday.  I searched high and low to find this dress because I knew, like my sweater, it would make me look my best on my special day.  That dress may never be worn, or a wedding dress of any sort for me, and that is something that I have accepted.  I am clothed in the Righteousness of Christ, and for that alone – I am blessed!

May the love of Jesus touch each of your lives - and bring you peace!

xo

1-on-1 kid time (a single mom issue)

They are lots of yucky things about being divorced, and getting 1-on-1 kid time is definitely one of them that many people do not realize.  I either have BOTH kids, or NO kids.

I am very guilty of multitasking.  I try to do too many things at once and feel like I have to fit tons of tasks and to-dos in aboutthismuchtime which has robbed my kids of 1-on-1 time with me which they both actually enjoy.  Shame on me!  I used to allow those precious little slivers of 1-on-1 time go by.  Not anymore, and you should see how messy my house is to prove it!   

1-on-1 time is so critical because it really allows us moms to tap into our kids' heads and find out what is going on.  These middle school years are tough – no doubt about it!  I want and need to be their sounding board to comfort them, and reassure them, and give them Godly guidance the best that I can.  I never want them to feel like I don’t have time for them.  The house can wait.  The text from a friend can wait.  My kids are growing up way too fast and they can't wait!    

My son’s Love Language is “Quality Time” in a big way!  My daughter is a bit of a mystery as I find her to be all FIVE of the Love Languages.  Whew!  She sure keeps me guessing! 

Here are some things that I’ve been doing for quality 1-on-1 time which may seem obvious, but to me have become very beneficial:

My son – He’s a guy, so prefers shoulder-to-shoulder 1-on-1 time and not so much deep heartfelt conversations while looking at each other.  He opens up so much more when he is not looking at me, but rather while “doing stuff together” like guys do.     

·         Running together (when his buddies are not on XBOX Live, that is)     

·         Sitting and watching Sports Center or any sports on TV.  He really likes for me to sit with him.

·         Cleaning his room together (Yes, he is 13 and likes an orderly bedroom which I realize is unusual.  He is wound a little tight like me in some areas.  Poor kid! J)

·         Looking at Alabama football merchandise online - Roll Tide!

·         Staying and watching his sports practices

·         Being at every single sporting event that he participates in.  If I need to miss one, I try to tell him a few weeks in advance, like when his schedule first comes out, so that he is prepared.  He ALWAYS looks for me in the stands/bleachers.  My presence is very important to him.    

·         Watching him play XBOX.  He likes me to sit on his bed and watch him play.  We don’t even talk.  I’m just there.

·         Playing basketball with him in our dining room or backyard

My daughter – She is a girly girl who loves it all!  She likes for me to buy her things, spend time with her, leave her love notes, do nice things for her (like clean her room), and give her lots and lots of hugs and kisses!  One great thing about my daughter is that she is very clear about what she needs from me and will express it clearly.  Some of the ways we spend 1-on-1 time together are free, and some cost me a little money.  She really is an easy girl to please. 

·         Take her shopping (even grocery shopping which she loves)

·         Bike ride - which is her favorite summertime activity

·         Clean her room together (More like I clean while she sits on her bed and talks to me and watches me do all the work!)

·         Share a salad or dinner at a nice restaurant with white cloth napkins (She has great taste!)

·         Learn dance moves together from YouTube (like the “Tush Push”)

·         Watch her sing and dance and put on little shows for me

·         Watch her swim.  Just sit and watch her. 

·         Play SkipBo or any sort of card or board game

·         Cook together

·         Look at Pinterest together on the couch

·         Watch Chick flicks together (That’s my girl!)
 

Single moms out there -Please do not get caught-up in doing things that years from now will never matter like obsessing about your house or appearance.  Another thing I see so much of that breaks my heart is when moms are with their kids, but are texting away on their phone or playing on Facebook when they could be playing with their sweet kids.  I’m not saying you should’t do these things, but just be aware that your kids want to see YOU and not the back of your head while you are doing something else.  Focused attention is critical for communication.

I’m done now.  Go and have some fun and PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS!!! xo