Pretty panties

In the bottom drawer of my dresser is a nice collection of pretty panties with the tags still on them that I have never worn.  In my top dresser drawer are the ho-hum everyday panties that I wear on a daily basis.

What in the world am I saving all of these pretty panties for?  I probably have 20 pairs of brand new pretty panties in there, and I wear boring panties every single day!    

Whaaaaa????

Because I WAS saving them for a special occasion.  Marriage.

It appears that is not going to happen for me, so I have decided to reward my weight loss milestones with new pretty panties.  Quite honestly, I would rather be slim, trim, and single in pretty panties than being married anyways.  Yes – I am going through one of my “man hater” stages.  Don’t worry though, it will pass.  I’m a lover to my very core.  Just a stage, friends.   

I have lost eight pounds since the first of the year.  I started out on fire, but my weight loss has slowed down with the winter blahs, changing my workout to include weight lifting, and a sick family (including myself for the past three days).  Currently, I am teetering on one of those scale numbers that end in a zero.  There is something so magical about dropping down below that mark.  When I do – I am breaking out a pair of those new pretty panties or two, then again in five more pounds, then again the next five, and then the last five I get the whole drawer full and will throw out my top drawer of ho-hum panties and start collecting something new.  Not panties though.

It’s like the good dining room dishes.  What are we saving them for!?  Isn’t everyday a good enough reason to celebrate and break out the good dishes?

Enough ho-hum panties for this girl!  It’s time to break out the pretty panties!

YOLO!! (you only live once)

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!

Around the first of the year I read a really cool post that included things to start doing in the New Year which included lighting a candle when we do our devotions to remind ourselves that we are the light of the world.  Lighting a candle has been a very nice addition to my daily morning quiet time with the Lord.  I will add the link to that cool post when I figure out where I found it!  Do you ever do that - read something that you want to go back and re-read and forget where you found it in the first place?

This morning, as I was reading my daily devotional in "Jesus Calling" from my sweet friend Kim from At Home With Kim, when I got to the sentence that read, "See times of darkness as opportunities for My Light to shine in transcendent splendor." - my glass votive shattered right there in front of me on my kitchen counter top.  Can you believe that?  The glass shattered, but the light kept on shining!  (The dovotional is written as if Jesus is talking to us directly.) 

 

 

 

"The Word gave life to everything that was created,

and his life brought light to everyone.

The light shines in darkness,

and the darkness can never extinguish it."

John 1: 4-5

 

 

So as it is with my life.  Sometimes circumstances around me will shatter and break, but the light of Jesus shines in "transcendent splendor" at all times and the "darkness can never extinguish it."    

 

Quite a lesson for this girl on a Monday morning!  

 

So, now I am singing my favorite church song which was probably the first song that I learned at Sunday School at the Baptist church, where my brother used to sit behind me and tie me to the chair with the bow on the back of my dress.  Everybody sing with me now.....

 

This little light of mine - I'm gonna let it shine.  This little light of mine - I'm gonna let it shine.  This little light of mine - I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

 



Be REAL to be REALLY loved

On the outside, I look like a good Jesus Girl (or at least I think I do).  On the inside, sometimes there is a different girl afraid that she will not be loved “if they knew the truth.”  I’m not talking all the time, but sometimes when I am struggling with sin.  Yes, sin.  We all sin. I know it’s a dirty word.

A few months ago, I confided in a Christian girlfriend about a sin that I was struggling with.  Keeping it inside made me feel miserable and alone, but I was too ashamed to tell anyone in fear of being unloved.    You know what she said after I told her about this struggle?  “Jenni, I struggled with that too.  I know how you feel.”  It was like she took a ton of bricks off my shoulders.  I thought I was the only bad Jesus girl.  Jesus girls want to say the right Jesus things and do the right Jesus things and wear the right Jesus things and listen to the right Jesus music and project the perfect Jesus image.  But sin creeps in and we freak out and try to hide it because we are Jesus girls.  We are not supposed to sin.

Who doesn’t love a good Jesus girl? But will they love a bad Jesus girl (past or present)?

I know that by confessing my sins to God I will be forgiven.  But, there is incredible power in confession to a fellow Christian.  What I thought would make her think less of me actually brought us closer together.  I’m not proud that we both shared the same sin, but it felt so good to be real.  In being real, our bond strengthened. 

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” – James 5:16

Confession brought out loving support – not judgment or disgust.   We prayed together which brough about wonderful results.  She was able to love me more because she knew me more.  You can only be loved as much as you are known.  Likewise, I love her more because I know her more.  

So to be REALLY loved, we need to be REALLY real.

Duh!

My favorite things Monday - catching up with friends on the phone

In this instant gratification Facebook and text world that we live in, nothing beats the rejuvenation of the soul like chatting on the phone with a friend that you haven't chatted with in far too long. 

I'm making it a point this year to be better at keeping in touch with friends.  I admit - I am HORRIBLE at keeping in touch.  Lucky for me, my friends are EXACTLY the same so they always understand.  At least that's what they tell me anyways.  The ones who are still talking to me, that is.

I've shared my Facebook and texting love/hate relationship regarding dating here if you're interested in my thoughts on that topic.

One of my long time childhood friends who is on my Facebook, but more in the "Facebook voyeur" category (she reads everybody elses' stuff but does not post much herself).... well I thought her life was ho-hum but little did I know Mr. Wonderful invaded her life and she is a happy little in-love camper.  I was so happy hearing her share her joy!  You just don't get that from Facebook or texting.

So pick up your phone and DIAL IT and tell an old friend that you were thinking about her.  I double dog dare you!  

messy house = messy heart

I notice this trend.  When my house is a mess, my head is also a mess.   When my head is a mess, my heart is a mess.  So….

It’s time to clean my house!

I’ve said it a million times and even blogged about it here – I cannot stand clutter.  I don’t like clutter in my house, in my head, or in my heart.  Sometimes, the clutter in my heart is difficult to organize and clean-up real quick like.  Some things just take time to pray through which makes my heart messy while the dust settles.  Sometimes I cannot control those things that make my heart messy – like when someone else does the messing-up, but I can control my house which helps clean-up my head, which helps clean-up my heart eventually.  IMHO, a messy heart manifests itself in all of us in one way or another; sometimes a messy house, sometimes excess weight, sometimes excessive partying, or other addictive behaviors (even obsessive working out), etc. 

Does this make sense?  When my heart is messy, I am looking for comfort somewhere/somehow.  Often that starts with dumping junk all over my dining room table.  (Actually, I think it starts with the shoe rug in the laundry room.  Hmmm…)  “Things” just start piling up and up and up and become such a mess to the point where I feel physically uncomfortable and irritable in my own home!  YIKES!!!  Then I get cranky and my heart issues turn into more heart issues and then I come unglued or I eat crappy foods.  Whatever happens - it’s never good. 

There is a calmness for me that comes from an orderly home.  Order allows me space to think. To breathe. To be. To pray. To get back to myself. 

So, as I clean my house, my head feels cleaner and more orderly, and my heart… well, for now, that will follow.  But that’s OK.  God is taking his time with me right now and showing me all sorts of nooks and crannies that need to be cleaned in my heart and teaching me new tools to clean with.  Like this - straight from the Good Book:

“Create in me a clean heart, O God.  Renew a loyal spirit within me.” ~ Psalm 51:10 NLT      

Our real cleansing comes from within.  For me, though, it’s hard to get inside (my heart) without also organizing the outside (my head and my home). 

So, when you come to my house and it’s a disaster, please ask me about the condition of my heart.  There is usually a story there.     

   

Get this chubby monkey off my back already!

It's been long enough.  44.5 years is waaaay too long to be carrying this load.  Time to go - chubby monkey!

I was a fat kid. (I hit 200 my sophomore year of high school.)  I'm actually the slimmest that I have ever been in my life right now, but I still have this extra layer of chub that really, really, really bothers me.  It overwhelms me and actually gives me anxiety that makes me depressed, which causes me to eat the wrong foods for comfort and fullness, which gives me anxiety that makes me depressed which makes me eat for comfort and to feel full...in private (yes, binges)... and so the cycle goes.  I hate hearing people say, "You look great!  You don't have any weight to lose."  Well, they have never seen me naked.  It's not pretty.  And this constant feeling of defeat and failure is tearing me apart inside. I've just never quite gotten there.  Close, but not quite.  Close doesn't count anymore.  Close is Satan saying that it's OK to settle and compromise.

So I joined Weight Watchers on New Years' Eve and officially started my diet on January 1st.  Yes, I AM calling it a "diet" because I am consciously restricting my calories right now.  "Diet" helps me realize it's a temporary sacrifice.  When I think I can't have something like white sugar ever again, I panic.  With my "diet," I can have white sugar if I plan for it.  I'm already down 6.4 pounds.  I will not allow the scale to define me day to day anymore, so am only getting weighed at my meetings on Wednesdays.  I'll keep better track of my progress here on my blog.  But NO NAKED PICTURES.  Mercy.  In addition to my WW meetings, I've joined an accountability group on Facebook which has been such a blessing! You can check us out on www.athomewithkim.com. It's called Weigh-In Wednesdays (WIW).  Clink the link below and you will be there.  I am also into the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst.  It's all good stuff!

While I am on my "diet," I am also making lifelong lifestyle changes like less carbs and more veggies and fruit.  I haven't been very disciplined about working out this winter, but I ran/walked 3 miles yesterday on my treadmill.  I'm getting my MOJO back slowly but surely. 

Back to the chubby monkey on my back....

I feel that it is Satan telling me that I can't do this.  I'm this close to feeling like my best self (16.4 pounds away, to be exact) and the enemy is telling me I can't do it.  Oh yeah?  God says I CAN!!! 

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." ~ Philippians 4:13    

And my God is way stronger than the enemy any day of the week!

But - I have to believe this truth.  REALLY believe this truth.

Something has clicked this time.  I am determined to break free of this chubby monkey.  I have my WIW Sisters praying for me and supporting me, I believe in myself, but most importantly, my Creator wants me to be the best version of me that I can be!  He wants this chubby monkey off my back too.

Bye bye chubby monkey!  I won't miss you one bit!
 

”Hold on to the Promises “

My Bible this morning seemed to magically open right up to this verse:

“… ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’…”  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Jesus said that!  He promises that his power works best when we are weak.  It does not say He likes for us to be weak, but says He promises to be our strength when we are weak.  (Paul wrote this, and at that time he was being persecuted for sharing the gospel.)  His grace is all I need. 

So, if I fill myself with Christ, I will be stronger that I could possibly ever be on my own.  In this, it draws me closer to Him.  So in that way, like Paul, I understand the good that comes from pain.  His grace is all I need.    

I will focus on grace today, and the promise that He will show his power - just for today.  I will deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. Today, I choose to hold on to this promise.  I get anxious when I think about the “big picture,” not knowing what lies ahead, but I will focus only on today, today.  I’ll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.  (I am a slow learner sometimes, so need to repeat this to myself over and over and over…)  His grace is all I need.

“Your day to day choices determine what your tomorrows will become.”  I don’t know where I heard that, but there is so much truth there.  If I chose grace today, and then again on the next day, then the next – my tomorrows will become much stronger and before I realize it, I will be flexing my Jesus muscles because I have healed and feel strong again.

Can I get an Amen!?     

What promises get you through tough spots? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPO3meEuU24

“Promises” by Sanctus Real (tidbit: Matt, the lead singer, goes to my church when he is not on the road performing.  I saw him sing this live last fall at our church.)