Sunday, January 8, 2012

NEVER shave your legs before a date

And be sure to wear your granny panties. White cotton works best.  I hope this isn’t the first time you have heard this advice.  My hope is that it merely serves as a reminder to have a mental game plan in the event that things get a little steamy and your date finds you irresistible – if you know what I mean.  Have a few sex-defense weapons in your arsenal.  Think of granny panties as a Kevlar vest and leg stubble like your personal 38 Special just in case Mr. Hunky Manfriend gets a little too close and he smells too good.  When you go on a date looking all cute and irresistible (which I am sure you will), and he gets a little close... and you start to think about how looooong it has been since…and everything is feeling very alive again… You will think of me. And your hairy legs all itchy. And your panties cutting into your bellybutton and riding half-way up your back.  And you will be a better person for it.  I promise.  I can’t find this doctrine  in the Bible anywhere, but I am sure if you asked any of the authors of the Good Book they would certainly concur that this should have been somewhere in Proverbs. 

What’s in your arsenal?      

No comments:

Post a Comment