Saturday, January 7, 2012

You mean a man might see me naked again? With the lights ON?

This scares the lights out of me! Literally!  (Did I tell you that I love exclamation points?)  Let me bring you up to speed here: I am 43 years old, have had two kids after the age of 30 (when the skin wasn’t quite as elastic), nursed them both (you can only imagine), then proceeded to neglect working out like a gymnast over the last decade.  Let’s just say my body is NOT that of an 18 year old and my wrinkles and stretch marks are quite, shall I say, un-artful. (I like to make up my own words sometimes.)  I don’t even like to see myself naked for goodness’ sake!  Even the thought of a man seeing me in a bathing suit brings a sharp pain to my left eyeball. 

I believe in sexual purity outside of marriage.  Obviously, I am not a virgin, but I am one of those “re-virgins” since I am have recommitted myself to purity.  I am a bit lot fearful of a man seeing my imperfect body when and if I ever get married again. I just cannot see where it could possibly be desirable.  Will a man ever find me desirable when there are so many younger, sexier, leaner, tighter-bodied women out there?  What do men really see when they look at us?  Am I the only single woman (with a pudgy belly) that worries about this?    

So, what do we do?  We need to be confidant with the bodies that we have, which is much easier said than done!  Let’s see what the Bible tells us:

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” (Psalm 139:14)

Can you really say this to God like David did?  I mean honestly?  Are you tempted to add your own ending to the verse like, “… except for my pudgy belly.”  Well, let me tell you, the enemy loves to take us down that ugly path of insecurity.  The enemy finds those cracks in our confidence and wiggles his way in to destroy. 

I went through a stage (a few in fact) when I let myself go.  I quit trying to look better because I knew I would never measure-up to the women in the magazines.  Now, I try to look good for my age and all the carnage that pregnancy and breastfeeding left behind, but I know I will never look like Jillian Michaels.  I have cellulite that I just cannot hide.  I have wrinkles and stretch marks that are just not going anywhere.  And I have a pudgy belly.  So, I still wear my bathing suit cover-up until the last possible minute then take it off and quickly jump into the pool, I still believe that cellulite looks better sun tanned, but at the same time I will continue to keep working on my body confidence and try to look the best that I can with what God gave me. I will also continue to pray to God that I end up with a blind very understanding husband.  A Christian man who follows the Lord will look at our hearts, not our boobies.  Deep down, I know this.  But still…   

How about the men rockin’ the beer gut strutting around the pool in their Speedos swim trunks?  I'll bet it wouldn’t bother them to be seen naked with the lights on.  You think?    

Now.  Who is going bathing suit shopping with me?  Anybody?  Anybody? Bueller?



  1. I'm SO glad you talked about this. Us women (and men) have such unrealistic expectations about what we think beauty is. If you take the time to reflect on who you are in Christ, I challenge every lady out there to stand in front of the mirror naked for at least 5 minutes. This isn't meant to be creepy, but rather a true exercise in self acceptance and acceptance of God's love. After all, you need to be able to accept yourself warts and all to fully accept God's love and then be able to love others. So take the time to leisurely look at yourself through the eyes of God. No one is created exactly like you, with every curve, twist and bend. You might notice that those wrinkles are a not a sign of age, but of the trials the Lord brought you through. You might see that those extra pounds are not a sign of failure, but of the future challenges He promise to bring you through.Or you might look at that scar from your c-section as the way God brought your beautiful daughter into the world. You are beautiful and don't let the enemy tell you otherwise!

    1. Amen, Sister! Who are we to criticize what God has created? He made us exactly the way He wants us to be for His pleasure. Insulting ourselves is insulting our Creator.

      Your words are so beautiful! Please continue to contribute to my blog and let me know what's on your mind. This blog is new to me so I am so encouraged that I have a few readers!