My career leap of faith

Sometimes when I pray for this or that, I find clarity through an event, a conversation, a book, but mostly through a sense of peace when I’ve really focused on being still and listening to God.  Honestly, I’ve never heard the voice of God.  I have never really heard Him speak to me in His voice.  I have, however, felt the weight of the Holy Spirit guide me many, many times while in prayer.  The most significant time I can recall was when my son was an infant (summer of 2000) and I was at the kitchen table one morning praying about resigning from my successful and high-paying career to be a stay-at-home mom.  In a total leap of faith (and discussion with wasband), I turned in my letter of resignation that day.  My daughter came along 16 months after my son.  For almost five years, I worked part-time (very part-time) so that I could be home with Kyle and Jami.  Wasband was a brand new teacher at the time.  We were broke as a joke, but looking back I know without a doubt that God had us in his safekeeping.  We made ends meet by the grace of God because the income certainly did not justify the decision.  Let me also add that when I had my son in 2000, I was working for a very racy radio station and a big portion of my income was from selling advertising to bars and adult-oriented establishments.  I was just getting back to God at that point after being away from Him for about 15 or so years. 

I went back to work full-time in 2005 and have struggled putting my career back together for the past seven years which has been very, very humbling.  That’s why I slipped in that MBA a few years back – to add to my tool belt.  When I resigned in 2000, the economy was booming,  When I returned in 2005, it was quickly headed to a recession.  I can’t question “what if,” but rather trust God completely that I will regain the security that I once had (career/financially speaking).  Let me clarify, it’s not about the money that I used to make.  That’s not the security that I am looking for.  I am in sales, so my income is 100% commission.  The way that I am paid is stressful because now I am divorced with two kids and a mortgage.  Most people would agree that a steady paycheck is ideal - especially when it’s the only one running the household.  Again, by the grace of God I continue to make ends meet, but feel very uneasy about my paycheck from day to day since I am paid commission.  Trust me, it’s something that I am in constant prayer about daily.

So, right now I have enough.  Just enough.  I pray “thy will be done,” but sometimes get anxious about when my break will come.  So, I return to prayer.  I know it’s in God’s hands, and feel that He is using this lesson for me to rely on Him.  To draw me closer.  To be in full surrender.  Of all of the fruits of the Spirit, patience is the most difficult for me. I want to know NOW, but to God, His “now” is not even close to my definition of “now.”  My “now” is this minute, His “now” might be in 20 years.  I am, however, working hard in the meantime at my job to do my best because that’s my duty to my employer and my family.  Is this God’s ultimate plan for my career?  I don’t know that, but He does.  In the meantime, I can use it as part of my ministry in some way.  (I am very excited that one of my past co-workers is coming to my church now!)

I am very excited about my career and what God has in store for me!  I have grown a lot these past seven years while getting my career back on track personally, professionally, and most importantly Spiritually.  I am in a much better place than I was back in 2000 in every area of my life except finances.  You know what?  If that’s the price, I would pay it over and over again to feel the peace that I feel right now because when I was making all of that money I didn’t have God in my life.  I also have some amazing kids that I feel are off to a great start because I was home with them.  (Which I respect is not right or possible for everyone.) 

Take a leap!  I’m telling you  - you’ll never regret it!